Biblical Conflict Resolution
The following blog is a transcript from Pastor Casey’s sermon on June 26th, 2023 called “Restoring Unity.”
You can listen to our sermons on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, & YouTube.
Introduction
Well today I have the privilege of continuing our sermon series on Paul's letter to the Philippians. We are eleven weeks into this thing now and just have a couple more weeks to go. This series has tackled some really important topics and themes, like unity, joy, adversity, humility, and so much more. You will have me preaching this week and next, as I will be unpacking Philippians 4:1-9 in two sermons. Today we will cover Philippians 4:1-3, if you want to start heading that way in your Bibles. The passage will be on the screen behind me if you don't have a Bible with you today.
Our focused passage begins with the word, "Therefore..."
Therefore is a conjunction linking us to the verses before these ones. Anytime you pick up in a passage and it begins with a conjunction, it might be helpful to read back a few verses or maybe even the whole passage to get better context of what Paul is saying.
In Philippians 3:12-21, Paul is beginning to wrap up the letter. Or if you grew up in the church listening to sermons like I did, you might refer to it as landing the plane. The journey is coming to an end and the final points are being unpacked. We are almost done.
In that passage, Paul is urging the Philippians to remain faithful to Jesus in the midst of adversity. He notes that some who once were followers of Jesus have now become enemies of the cross, and he is calling the church to trust God and to keep their eyes on Him because He is faithful and the inheritance that awaits them is worth the endurance. In a world where some are beginning to turn away from the faith they once had, Paul urges them to remain faithful.
In this heart and posture of urging the church - he continues on in Philippians 4:1-3:
"Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved.
I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life."
Prayer
Let's pray together.
Thank you for your Word, Lord. We come together and trust that it is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness so that we can be equipped to do every good work. We open up our hearts to you, God, and invite you to form us according to your truth. You know the way that is right and good and leads to flourishing, so we ask that you'd help us receive that today. In Jesus' name, amen.
Disunity in the World? Disunity in the Church?
Disunity is one of the easiest aspects of Western culture to critique.
The United States, specifically, was established to be a place where individuals could experience freedom. Freedom from oppressive governments, freedom from forced religion - freedom to start over. Today the same ideal reigns - freedom to be who you want to be, believe what you want to believe - to establish what is good, true, and beautiful according to how you see it.
And what happens when you place millions of people on the same continent and encourage them to use that freedom is conflict. Disagreement. Tension. The real life experience of each of us getting to pursue the life and ideals we like and appreciate is messy and leads to division and though it is a strong word, chaos.
This is not an uncommon teaching from within the church. And I agree with it - that the culture of self-autonomy we live in is eating itself alive.
But shame on the church if it is unwilling to recognize the division and disunity that can happen within its own walls.
On a major scale you have a profound history of denominational conflict. One group of Christians ostracizing another group because of missional or theological differences. On local levels, nearly every city has churches that were built out of splits because of leadership disputes or favoritism. Within congregations, the church is prone to have unhealthy cultures of gossip, power dynamics, pursuit of influence and selfish intentions, cliques, and more.
The church is not void of disunity and conflict - unfortunately it can be a hub for it.
Perhaps you have had an experience in this church or in another where felt at odds with a leader, another member, or with a specific mission or function of the church. Because we all have different preferences, passions, and ideas - if we work side-by-side together we are inevitably going to butt heads and disagree.
Disagreement is inevitable. And there are times where it is either appropriate or necessary to divide or separate.
Theological disagreements can cause significant difficulty in a group of Jesus followers being able to be in relationship with one another. Dr. Gerry Breshears was a seminary professor of mine and he established a helpful system for determining the level of unity we can have within the church. There are four categories for assessing theological unity:
DIE FOR
The first category are beliefs that we would die for. These are essential, Christian beliefs that if removed from the equation, it does not make sense for one to assume they share the same faith with another. These are critical doctrines like the divinity of Christ, the nature of God, the work of Christ, and other essential beliefs that make Christianity what it is.
DIVIDE FOR
Second, there are issues we might divide for. In this category, essential beliefs are shared and one can respect and even value other expressions of Christianity, but doing life together in the context of the local church might be challenging because of significant belief differences. If someone has very Pentecostal or Charismatic values, being a member in your local reformed church like a Baptist or Presbyterian church might be very difficult.
DEBATE FOR
Third, there are beliefs we debate for. These might be important beliefs or ideas to work through, but there is no reason to divide over them because they do not impact essential beliefs and they do not disrupt our ability to be in community together. An example of this might be what you believe about Creation - whether you are a young earth, old earth, theistic evolution - we can go round and round in talking about these ideas and beliefs - but where we land should not impact our life together as a community of believers.
DECIDE FOR
Finally, there are preferential beliefs or ideas we can decide for. Personal convictions that have less or maybe little biblical precedence or command. Examples in the New Testament include things like dietary preferences or Sabbath observance rituals. There's room for you to have a conviction on something like this without needing others to affirm your belief.
Read more about Dr. Breshears framework for theological unity here.
Outside of theological issues, we might divide or disassociate because of unrepentant sin or because someone is divisive within the community. There are examples in books like Paul's letter to the Corinthians where he commands the leaders to disassociate themselves and literally kick out of the church some people who were causing significant issues because of their ongoing sin and their divisive tendencies in the community.
There is a point where division is appropriate and necessary. But a lot of times people end up separating because of social drama or personal offense or preferential beliefs or ideas. And rather than taking the biblical paths offered to us for restoring unity, we see many walk away from the church and even Jesus because of the conflicts they have had within the church community.
We read in Philippians 4:1-3 about a dispute between two ladies in the church. Paul recognized that this conflict here in Philippi ran the risk of becoming something big. So he did something he rarely does throughout his letters and he calls out these two women by name and encourages them to be unified. These are just three short verses, but I think the lessons we can unpack from them are powerful and relevant for our lives together.
Stand Firm
Paul's first instruction is towards the community to stand firm in the Lord. This comes on the heels of recognizing the difficult and tension-filled moment that the community faced as some were not just leaving the faith but becoming opponents or adversaries to the faith.
Like we read in the introduction of this letter, Paul again shows his compassionate heart for the Philippian church. He says,
Therefore, my brothers [and sisters], whom I love and long for, my joy and crown...
This language sounds like a loving father who cares deeply for their child. There is compassion and connection in this language, something not every church Paul wrote to got.
...stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved.
The loving and compassionate father figure sees the possible danger ahead and begins by urging the church to stand firm together. Disunity is inevitable, you're seeing people walk away from the church and become enemies of it - stand firm in the Lord. Do not let the conflicts around you entice you to respond the same. Or do not let the conflicts you see discourage you and make you give up hope on God's chosen people and his methods and plans for the world - because that is going to be the temptation when conflict arises.
This is certainly the case in the church today. The deconstruction movement, which is seeing people utilize social media to share their stories and journeys of departing from the Christian faith, is full of examples of the slippery slope that comes when conflicts arise within the church. Now refining and growing and breaking off some old beliefs or habits or ideas is great and takes a process of assessing where things went wrong - I do not knock that aspect of deconstruction. There are systematic or organizational issues within churches, denominations, and in Christian culture in general that should be critiqued so that we do not build up something that isn't what Christ intended. Assessing these issues and finding ways to grow from them or create communities that don't have them is a noble task.
The problem is, and what you see so often in the deconstruction movement of our time, is that pain leads to bitterness or offense. And when offense isn't dealt with properly, more pain wells up and more attributes like anger, revenge, or a divisive spirit takes us from the noble process of trying to refine our faith and make sure it is Christ-like and it makes us destructive towards ourselves and others.
And what started out as this healthy idea of wanting to grow or help others grow turns into a bitter and isolated existence of someone who used to follow Jesus and now has become an enemy of the faith. This is the story of so many people in my generation. They loved Jesus, they wanted to follow him and loved being in Christian community, but when unsolved conflict and tension manifested into pain, bitterness, anger, and revenge, they didn't just walk away from the community of believers, they walked away from Christ altogether.
We must stand firm and avoid the dangerous tendencies we see in the culture around us. Conflicts are coming, whether you like it or not, and the enemy would love to see them destroy your faith altogether.
Isn't funny how often big problems start with small beginnings?
This is the case in nearly anything that has a system or an organized process of how it runs.
A device or machine that has one part get slightly out of alignment might not effect it much to start, but overtime it slowly gets worse and worse until it is completely unaligned altogether or until it affects something else within the machine. Eventually the machine gets very damaged because the issue was not addressed and it can cause catastrophic failure, when if you would have just handled the small issue at the start you wouldn't have had the machine get ruined.
I bought a 2010 Toyota Camry when I was in college and for the most part it has been a great car for me. But one issue I've continued to face in it is that the brakes warp from heat far more often than normal. Now if you pay up and get the job done at Les Schwab, enjoy some popcorn while your car is in the shop for a couple hours - they are covered under a warranty and they'll fix it for free until the warranty expires. But it can be pretty inconvenient to have to schedule that service every handful of months and wait while it gets fixed. When the brakes start warping, you feel it and you just push it off. But if you do that too long you're going to run the risk of that warping and the shaking it produces in the car affecting other parts of your brake system and your brakes might fail eventually. It brakes for now, but you gotta get it fixed before it becomes a bigger problem.
The same is true with the conflicts in our lives. There might be a small offense that makes you uneasy about someone. Then the next time they do something not preferable it builds on top of the previous offense. Then you start to assess their political views, how their family operates, how they talk in small group - you build up this case of why you have a problem with someone. The issue started off small, but you didn't deal with it while it was small so now it is something that is going to take a lot more work to address. And when the problem feels like it is too big to address, it becomes easier to walk away than to have to restore unity with that individual.
Conflicts are inevitable - like a loving father who sees the danger ahead, Paul compassionately warns the church to stand firm in the Lord because big problems often have small beginnings.
Agree in the Lord
Paul then shifts his focus to the two ladies at the center of the conflict. Euodia and Syntyche.
He writes, "I entreat Euodia and I entreat Syntyche to agree in the Lord."
This is a remarkable moment for Paul, because he doesn't go and call people out (or up) like this by name very often in his letters. What might be even more remarkable is that they get addressed personally without giving any indication to what the reason for their conflict was. We have no idea - it isn't in the text. Any ideas would be truly speculative.
Here is the deal though, Paul isn't afraid to take sides when someone is out of place or in the wrong. We see throughout other letters that Paul is willing to call out the heretics or the divisive ones and defend the truth while doing so.
Galatians 2 tells us that Paul confronted Peter when he was being a hypocrite when he wouldn't eat with gentiles because he was afraid of criticism from Jews. We know that Paul called out a boy who was having an inappropriate relationship with his dad's wife in 1 Corinthians. Paul is not afraid to stand up for the truth when it is necessary.
So whatever was going on between these two women, it must not have been over any major doctrine issue. It wasn't anything so serious that it compromised the gospel.
What Paul worries about compromising the gospel is the intensity of their disagreement with one another. The level of hostility and the fallout from their fight is bigger than whatever issue their dealing with between themselves. They had become the problem in the situation, not the problem itself.
This is all too common of an occurrence within the context of community. Too often we let the uncomfortable nature of addressing offense make our situations more significant than they actually are.
One way that I have seen this in my own life is that I have a tendency to withdraw when there is conflict or offense with a friend or family member. Something comes up that makes me uncomfortable or maybe hurts me, and I'd rather just step back a little bit. Distance myself. In that, often my hope is that maybe they'll realize the offense they've caused and they'll be the one to initiate restoration by apologizing.
But people aren't always wired that way - and that approach neglects the reality that maybe I played a part in the conflict as well and they're hoping I will be the one to address it. And then over time it just sits in this awkward, unsettled tension and before I know it, its been weeks or maybe months since the initial offense was, but now I have to deal with this awkward thing I have let it become.
The problem isn't just the issue I was initially offended over, now I have become part of the problem because of how I have chosen to handle it.
If we aren't intentional or thoughtful about how we handle our conflicts, they run the risk of becoming something bigger than they need to be. There will be more to unpack, more to apologize for, more to forgive - because we didn't deal with it correctly.
The Bible offers us a helpful framework for conflict management:
Matthew 18:15-17 offers us the process in dealing with conflict, saying that we should address the situation one-on-one first, then if it is still unresolved than to bring a small group into matter to address, and then to turn to the church if the conflict continues to go on.
Luke 17:3-4 tells us that we should forgive our brothers and sisters when they repent of wrong doing. It says even if they sinned against you seven times in seven days, if they approach you and say, "I repent," we should forgive them.
Other verses encourage us about the heart posture or perspective we should have:
2 Corinthians 13:11 tells us to settle our differences amongst ourselves, saying that we should aim for restoration. Our default goal and ambition in the midst of conflict is that we should aim for restoration.
Philippians 2:3-4 says that in humility, we ought to value others above ourselves. Conflict and offense often puts us in self-preservation mode. Jesus commands us not to lose sight of the other person involved.
Proverbs 19:11 says we should be slow to anger, not letting a conflict intensify and burn in our hearts.
Now these are easy to affirm in the Scriptures and to even think that it is the ideal of how we should handle conflict - but it is much easier said than done, right? So how do we bridge the gap between what we know is right, versus what we feel and how we often would like to act?
First, we must consider the work of Christ as the ultimate example of reconciliation. While God had every reason to move on from a rebellious and idolatrous humanity, he chose to reconcile us to back to himself through the life, death, and resurrection of Christ. And the ongoing mercy and forgiveness he continues to show us as we are sanctified throughout our lives - God's restorative work was and continues to be miraculous and undeserved.
I think about all the times that I have and continue to miss the mark - the reality that God still loves me and chooses to forgive me and pursue relationship with me is overwhelming. The Bible says that God's mercies are new each and every day - I don't deserve that! I didn't deserve his love in the first place and I certainly haven't earned it now.
But his dedication to reconciliation and his ongoing to decision to forgive and cover over our sin is because He loves you and I so very much. And because God can act that way towards us - those who do not deserve unity and reconciliation with him - we can respond that way to others.
I really believe that those who often have the most difficult time forgiving others have probably forgotten about how much forgiveness they have received.
Second, we can learn to walk this out by receiving the Holy Spirit and his help for this process. God not only graciously chooses to be reconciled to you despite your sin, but he offers to work within your heart to help you overcome anger, bitterness, and offense so that you can pursue a lifestyle of reconciliation.
He can change your heart and help you turn the default habits of a separation or distancing, gossip, being passive aggressive, and any other negative reaction you might have within interpersonal conflict and help make you someone who craves restoration and peace when conflicts arise. The bitterness and pain does not have to remain because the Holy Spirit can change you.
A Community Committed to Restoring Unity
Finally, my last takeaway for us from this passage is that we have an obligation to be a community that is committed to restoring unity.
Verse three says:
Yes, I ask you also, true companion, help these women, who have labored side by side with me in the gospel together with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.
As mentioned earlier, a possible escalation point for interpersonal conflict in the church is to have others get involved to help smooth things out. In Matthew 18 we see an avenue in which we ought to bring others in if we have attempted reconciliation and were unsuccessful on our own. The community of Christ is meant to serve as a resource for one another for working through our conflicts.
I don't know about you, but I have had plenty of moments throughout my life where one person has shared something with me, maybe about how I have been acting or something they're noticing in me, and because I haven't been aware of the tendency I might get defensive or deny what their sharing with me in a given moment. It can be easy to deny the thoughts or critiques of one person.
But when two or three other people validate that same concern someone else has brought up - I can't really deny the truth anymore.
When we engage in conflict management together, we have more voices, more perspectives, and more questions to ask to help us get to the core of the issue. The ideal is that we can settle issues one-on-one, but when necessary, the community of believers should serve as a resource to help.
Another way we remain committed to restoring unity as a community is by reminding each other of the goal of reconciliation when someone approaches you about offense they are dealing with. We have an obligation to avoid gossip, slander, or escalating conflict as we do life together.
The temptation is to jump in on someone else's feelings and immediately confirm what was shared with us because maybe we have noticed the same thing or had a similar situation. While there may be a time to have that confirmation and say, "Okay, what are we going to do about it?" Too often the conversation just ends up being this unhealthy gossip session about the conflict that results in heightened frustration and tension.
When someone in the community comes to us with a conflict they have with someone else, we need to hold one another accountable to restoring unity. That means discouraging unhealthy attitudes and postures and it means knowing the biblical strategy for conflict resolution and asking if they are taking the right steps to mend the issue.
As a community, we hold one another accountable not because of some weird need to be in each other's business - but because as we enter into this journey together of becoming more like Christ, we need each other. If we lose the intentional focus of caring for one another and calling one another up to who we are meant to be in Christ, then we will look a lot more like the world and a lot less like the people of God.
Conclusion
The world around us is full of division. Our human nature bends us to want to participate - this is especially the case when we take on pain and frustration through the conflicts we face.
Until Jesus returns, we aren't guaranteed any special path that gets us out of conflict. As long as we do life with one another, we are inevitably going to offend and frustrate each other. But that is where we have the opportunity to be different.
You and I have the opportunity to be a witness for Christ as we practice restorative unity both as individuals and as a community. In a western society with little grace and tolerance for mistakes and offenses, we get to be like Jesus as we seek reconciliation when someone has wronged us.
Additionally, we get to receive grace when we live in a community like this. Because if we were really willing to be honest with ourselves, there are plenty of moments I am guilty of hurting someone I love in a moment of selfishness or carelessness. There are times I step on other peoples' toes and I cause pain in others. If you and I do life together long enough, I am going to hurt you eventually. Probably not intentionally - but nonetheless, I am going to need your forgiveness. And you will need mine.
With Christ as our example, and the Holy Spirit as our empowerment - we get to create a community where Christ's ideals of forgiveness, grace, and mercy reign supreme.
The grace of the world is fickle. They will cancel you in the blink of an eye and not ever have reason to associate with you and make things right.
But the grace of God is never ending. His mercies are new every day. The opportunity to be restored and to have unity is available because of His great love for us. And God's community, the church, can embody this too.
